Archive for the ‘play time’ Category


Posted on March 27, 2012 - by

Painting with Care

I am a mother of 3 children, it seams to have happened quicker than expected. I know it’s partially because we had our children so close together (they are 4yrs, 3yrs, and 1yr), but I also know that time flies when you’re having fun. Truth be told the funniest moments, the ones I treasure now, didn’t always start off as the most pleasant memories.

I remember talking to one of my friends about being kids as we both began to think of having our own children. Being graphic designers, we were talking about how to foster creativity in our little ones. She began by sharing a charming story about making things out of paper. Somewhere along the line she switched and began talking about how one day, while looking at the wall in her parent’s house, she decided that it was a great place to create a massive piece of art. I smiled appearing calm while inside I thought ‘oh my word, if my child wrote on my walls I think I’d send them back where they came from’. These are the kind of thoughts one has when one has no children lol.

Well, sooner than expected this became my reality. Claire, my second born, has always had a unique outlook on life and a wonderful ability to think creatively. Because of these fantastic abilities, I suppose it should have come as no surprise that she would become my wall painter. It actually didn’t start with the walls, her first work of art was her dresser. One day durring her nap, she climbed up on her couch and was able to reach the jar on penaten I kept beside her diapers. In the hour that she was supposed to be sleeping she covered not only her dresser but her couch and herself with that white waterproof goo. It was priceless.

I still to this day remember walking into her room and having to walk right back out because I didn’t want her to see me laughing. I hadn’t responded at all how I thought I would. I eventually walked back in after containing my giggles and sternly told her that diaper cream was not for painting and I didn’t want her to do that again. WHY!!!!! or I WOULD HAVE KILLED HER!!!!, were the responses that I got when I told people how I handled the situation. I’m sure that some of those people still think I’m a terrible perent for letting her get away with JUST a stern chat.

I think it’s probably really important to explain my actions. In 1 John 4:18 it says ‘There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love’. I wasn’t looking to scare Claire, I don’t want her to fear me. I just wanted her to know that what she did wasn’t a good idea. All I needed to do to communicate that was talk to her, so that’s what I did. The problem with a harsh punishment is that I had never told her that diaper cream on the wall was wrong, she had no idea (she was 2 there’s lots of things 2 year olds have no idea about). If I had stormed into that room and slapped my little girl on the bum, she may have never again ever put diaper cream on the wall, but what would she have learned about me?

In approaching parenting I always want to protect my connection with my children over forcing them to comply. The idea is that when you build trust with your child they will comply out of an understanding that you have their best interest at heart, and that you are working together towards the same goal – their success. It is my goal to build a loving trusting environment with my kids so that when they make mistakes they don’t feel like they need to hide them. I’m doing all that I can to build our trust and friendship so that, like in this situation, we can look at their mistake together and ask the question ‘so, what went wrong there?’.

In Heb 13:5 God told us that he would NEVER leave us or forsake us. I want my kids to see that same thing in me, so that even if their punishment is more like a time out or a loss of privilege, they know that I’m on their side and we can fix it together.


Posted on January 26, 2012 - by

This Little Seed of Mine . . .

Everywhere I go I get this question ‘Are they twins’, I love it.

We have two little girls. Grace is four years old, Claire is three and they look so similar. It doesn’t help that Claire is tall and I think she may just pass Grace some day soon. They look similar, they sound similar and with only a 14 month gap it’s kinda like having twins. We decided to have the girls 14 months apart for two reasons. The first is practical, my husband and I thought that it would be great for them to be close in age so that they could be friends and enjoy life’s experiences together. The second reason was just silly, I remember looking over the edge of Grace’s crib when she was six months old and saying ‘she’s not that small anymore’, and so we decided to have another. Little did we know that having children that close together, while all together fun and exciting, would feel a little multiples. I know that those with twins have it much harder, but I found it hilarious one day when I had a conversation with a woman in the doctor’s office who had twins and found that our lives were very similar.

My mommy research from places like Todays Parent and babycenter told me that children under three years old tend towards independent, rather than co-operative play. So, in expectation, I would sit on the floor with them playing side by side playing with separate toys, waiting for the arrival of the special day when they would play together. It felt a little like expecting a baby. Well, about 8 months ago the day arrived, and man has it been an experience. Just like having a baby, the beginnings of this partnership had it’s birth pains! As I started into the world of pushing, kicking, stealing toys and refusing to share, I found myself thinking ‘EPIDURAL, EPIDURAL!!’.

For a while I felt like I just couldn’t figure this one out. I tried all the things that had worked in the past. We practiced taking turns, spoke about sharing, had time outs when that didn’t work, even lost the privilege of using a toy when their arguments got too heated. But nothing was sinking in somehow. It was like ‘ya ya mom, finish saying what you’re saying so I can get back to taking that thing from my sister’. Until one day I was reminded of a scripture in Galatians 6:7-8 that says ‘Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life’. It was time to teach.

It didn’t take long to have a situation to talk about. Grace told Claire she hated her and off we went to the bathroom to have a discussion. I sat her down on her little stool and crouched down in front of her so that we were eye to eye. A while ago she had grown a bean stalk at school and learned about plants like all good pre-schoolers do. I asked her what happens when we plant a seed? Her response was perfect, it grows into a plant. I explained to her how we can plant good seeds and bad seeds with our actions. I let her know that when we plant good seeds things like love and kindness grow and when we plant bad seeds things like anger and hate grow. Then I asked, do you love Claire? Again, perfect answer, of course I do mommy. To which I responded, then what do you want to plant in her life. She was so excited to plant good things in Claire that it not only became the theme of the day, but changed the way they play together.

I think it’s dangerous to tell a child that they are bad, mainly because eventually they may just believe you. Loving, kind children can make bad decisions, but when they understand that they are capable or much more, they do it less and less. In all our discussions with our children we try to remind them who they are, remind them that they’re loved, so that they have confidence in themselves and make good decisions. I guess in the end we’re both sowing to the Spirit, lol.


Posted on January 7, 2012 - by

Do You Remember the Time

Well, the holidays are over and life is on it’s way back to it’s regularly schedules program. I’ve had fun looking back over the last few weeks. I enjoy pondering at what worked and what didn’t as we build our Christmas traditions.This year the kids are a little older and much more able to understand what it is we are celebrating and all the fun that follows along.

This years favorite memory was definitely the Christmas carols. Over the past year my kids have really started to enjoy singing and so I naturally turned on the Christmas radio station at the beginning of November so that they would become familiar with the songs of the season. Between this, and Grace having to learn a couple songs for a school play, we were singing up a storm by mid December. The part that made it so memorable for me is that some carols have lyrics that just don’t fit comfortable into a three year olds vocabulary. This means one of two things, either the child won’t sing that part or they will sing whatever the words sound like to them. I am so thankful that my little girls are bold, because we now have new lyrics that I will struggle to correct as Christmas comes again and again.

The two songs that we had the most fun with were ‘Jingle Bells‘ and ‘Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer‘. The words were changed to ‘Dingle bells, dingle bells, dingle all the way, all is fun it is to ride in a one fur snow fin flay’ and ‘Rudolph the red nose caribou” (apparently those are the same thing). I think I made the poor children sing Jingle Bells to everyone who would listen fighting back my intense laughter, at least until I had told them how wonderfully they sang and sent them into the next room. I LOVE IT, I love the things that happen by chance and make life enjoyable. I really look forward to hearing William’s version of our favorite Christmas songs – maybe next year or the year after.

I was really hit by one Christmas classic in particular. I’m sure you know it, it’s called Sleigh ride. You know the one that starts ‘Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling too . . .’. Halfway through the song it talks about happy feelings and turkey and pumpkin pie and concludes with the line ‘these wonderful things are the things we remember all through our lives’. I think it hit me because I realized that my husband and I are responsible for what our kids think of when they remember Christmas. I want to use the season to make memories!! But, you know what, I want to make memories all year long.

My kids are so special to me and I know that even now, I love to hear stories from my parents about things they remember. I love knowing what was important to them, because it makes me feel important to them. I just started a scrapbook for each of my children. Darrell and I have been having a blast remembering each and ever story that is unique to each one.  That’s what makes up the history of our family. Building memories adds value and reminds us of good (even if there wasn’t always necessarily just good). In Isaiah 38:19 it says The living, the living–they praise you, as I am doing today; fathers tell their children about your faithfulness. I want to help my children build their good memory bank so that they can always be thankful for what (and in light of Christmas, WHO) they have been given. A thankful heart is a happy heart.


Posted on October 15, 2011 - by

Speaking My Language

The other day I was in the toy room. Oh, the toy room. It’s always a bit of a minefield of colourful little girlie toys just waiting to attack that really tender spot on the bottom of my foot. As, I was placing each step so carefully I stopped to admire the way my two little girls enjoy playing. Grace was at the dress up box, filling her fingers with as many little plastic rings as she could find and getting tangled as she pulled the most adorable princess dress over her head. While Claire was cramming as many little stuffed animals as possible on the couch beside her, yelling to me for more when she could no longer move. So interesting, you see Claire NEVER plays with the dress up clothes, and apart from Velcore, Grace has no real interest in stuffed animals.

As I sat there thinking about their method of play, I realized that it was actually quite similar to the way they like to be loved. Grace needs to be told that she’s loved and beautiful and that the things she does are fantastic, while Claire has no interest in what I say to her, she just wants a hug and kiss and a little snuggle here and there. It’s fascinating to me that two children from the same home with the same parents and the same experiences could be so completely different. That’s just the way they are, and honestly how they have been from day one. Unique, beautifully unique.

I did find their differences a little hard to handle at first. When I had Claire, it felt a bit like becoming a new mom all over again. Everything I did with Grace was the wrong thing for Claire, it was hilarious (or at least it is now). The turning point for me was thanks to some hints I learned from a book called 5 Love Languages . The book is about how married couple can learn how to communicate love to one another by being aware that people express their love in different ways. The categories that they mention are:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

I found that through being aware of the different love languages I was able to learn how to love my children in a way that mattered to them. The most beautiful thing that I noticed in my little people was that when I started loving them in a way that they connected with, they felt heard, they felt appreciated. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-20, it says:

‘Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. . . . Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

I think that loving my kids in a way that’s connects with them is important for two reasons.

Number 1, they are made aware from a very young age that they are unique and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact their differences are there by design in order for them to fulfill the things that they were created for, as part of the bigger picture. They are learning to appreciate their differences and the differences in others, understanding that together we make a more complete picture.

Number 2,  so many negative behaviours are avoided when I can meet my child’s need for attention, affection and affirmation. When I let my kids know in actions that mean something to them, that I am interested and able to help they are much more settled and less likely to look for negative ways to express themselves.

I suppose nothings foolproof when it comes to kids, but I sure like being loved, why wouldn’t they.


Posted on September 27, 2011 - by

Mommy’s Markers

Stacks of colouring books, multiple pads of construction paper, stolen white paper from the printer downstairs, whatever it takes to make beautiful pictures for mommy’s fridge. Yes, I admit it, I am in love with my children’s drawings. Creative artwork is something I started doing with the girls pretty early, getting them to correctly hold those cute little chubby Crayola crayons. I like to pretend that I did it because I want them to develop the muscles in their fingers and learn gross/fine motor skills, but the truth is I just think it’s cute. My favorite little drawing is in Darrell’s office. I was one of the first animals Grace ever attempted, it’s a skunk. She put so much time and effort into getting it just right and gave it to Darrell with specific instructions as to where it was going to be displayed. For months, she would come into his office and ask him ‘what’s that daddy?’ and he would have to answer ‘it’s the skunk you made for me’ and she would leave with an enormous grin.

When we first began drawing we used crayons, but as Grace got older she started to notice how her little friend Joel was allowed to use markers!!! I will admit, it scared me a little as I battled visions of my cream couches experiencing my daughters creativity first hand. But, eventually I decided she was old enough to make to switch. When I went to purchase her markers, I realized that they were almost three times the price of her regular crayons, ouch! ‘It’s ok’ I thought, ‘this is important’. It was an even bigger OUCH! when she started loosing them, or leaving the lids off. I started to feel like I was constantly replacing her markers and flushing my money down to drain. What to do? I wanted her to have the markers but I was not interested in continually buying more.

This is when I started listening to a series called ‘loving you kids on purpose’  by Danny & Sheri Silk. Part of what they teach is that your kids are intelligent, and able to make good decisions with a little guidance and opportunity. I thought it sounded wonderful. So, this is how I began, I bought Grace a pack of markers and Mommy had a pack of markers. I told her that if she lost a marker or forgot to put the lid on, it was not a problem. If she wanted to replace that marker, all she had to do was give mommy one quarter from her piggy bank and I would give her the marker from my pack. Then, when mommy’s pack runs out, I can go buy more from the store. It was so funny, she kind of turned her head to the side as she looked at me and then ran away. I remember thinking, I wonder if she understood what I just said. My question was answered pretty quickly, you see, she hasn’t lost a marker since.

In proverbs 22:6, it says Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. I want my kids to know how to make great decisions in their lives. I want them to know that the things they choose have an impact on both them and others. So I’m starting to train them now. I know that the decisions a two, or three year old makes will not really  have a lasting effect on their future. My intention, is to train them to make good decisions now, so that at twenty- two, or twenty-three they have more than enough wisdom to make the decisions that do matter.


Posted on September 13, 2011 - by

Wiggle Kisses

My son William gives the best Kisses! Now, I know that every mother thinks her child’s kisses are adorable, but let me explain why I’m partial to these ones.

Ever since Will was born I have obsessed over his cheeks. You see, all the Keezer babies are born with cheeks so big they almost force their little eyes shut. Will was no exception, with cheeks so juicy I’d have to hold myself back from taking a bite. Instead, I decided to give him wiggle kisses. I forcefully kiss his cheeks over and over while wiggling my face back and forth. I felt it was the only suitable way to express my cheek love. I lavish wiggle kisses on my little boy as many times a day as I am able.

One day, after one of these kisses I noticed William trying to eat my face in an excited response. Unsure what to make of this, I kissed him again and waited for a reaction. This time he grabbed my head with both of his little hands and wiggled his open mouth back and forth on my cheek. He’s kissing me . . . HE’S WIGGLE KISSING ME!!! Though the experience feels a little like rubbing jello into your skin or maybe snuggling a sliced mango, it’s fantastic. I think part of what makes it so great is that he does it just like I do (but with more goo).

It’s quite remarkable how much my kids learn from watching me. I see it in funny things like how Grace moves when she’s listening to a song she likes or how Claire raises her eyebrows and tilts her head when she knows she’s done something funny. People say it all the time, but it’s true, my kids are little sponges. If I’m honest I can tell you that I have seen them soak up some unhelpful things too. Though these copies are not as fun to look at, they are a great map for what I need to adjust in my parenting. Now, when I see something unhelpful in my kids, I have learned to ask the question ‘do I do that?’ and quickly make adjustments where necessary.

In 1 Corinthians 11:1, Paul says ‘Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ’. I want to be like this for my kids. Not perfect, but making adjustments all the time out of love and commitment to them. Not because I must, but because I want the best for them. I change in order to become the best mom I can give them. If they follow that example, I think they’ll turn out ok.


Posted on September 11, 2011 - by

For the Love of the Game

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

The most fantastic thing about not being the first parent on the face of the planet, is that there are great examples of what to do all around. From close personal friends sharing purls of wisdom to the people in the Dr’s office who were practicing how to spell simple words just to pass the time. It’s so nice to learn from their examples and not have to figure out everything all on my own.

Today I was making scones for breakfast. My husband just loves them and so it’s become a bit of a Saturday morning tradition in the Keezer household. Now that my kids are a little older they pull their little yellow, plastic chairs over to the counter and look for anything they can possible do to help. Though it’s slows me down quite substantially, it’s a lot of fun watching them join in and feel useful.  This reminded me of something a dear friend had said to me just the night previous. He was talking about engaging kids and helping them to feel involved so that they take responsibility. Though family was not the context in which he was speaking, what a brilliant concept to apply to a home environment.

I have started teaching my kids at two, and three years of age how to fold the laundry. It’s funny cause I almost always have to refold it when they’re not looking. I’m teaching them how to clear the food they haven’t finished off their dinner plates. But my favorite thing to teach them it how to make our house a FUN place to live. This lesson includes princess dances and good attitudes and takes up most of my daily efforts. The same friend I mentioned earlier is a rugby coach. He says that his goal is to make his team fall in love with the game because if they fall in love with the game, they’ll do their best.

In 1 Tim 4:12 it says: Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

I’m looking forward to the day when my children understand their value as a part of our family and understand that their input is not only important but vital to the success of our relationships. I look forward to many years of learning from them as they fall more and more in love with the game we call home.


Posted on September 9, 2011 - by

Let’s Just Laugh

A few months ago my husband introduced the mimic game to our family. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s the game where you copy everything the other person says. I was shocked when I noticed how much fun Grace and Darrell were having. She’d say something, he’d copy, she’d call him a silly name, he’d repeat it, and then both burst into hysterical laughter. They were having so much fun that Claire couldn’t resist joining in the party. It made for such a fun car ride and a wonderful family memory.

Laughter is so fantastic! We had a friend from California come to visit a few months ago named Steve Backland. This man taught me one of the silliest concepts I have ever heard in my life. He said that when we are faced with negative thought, or stress, or discouragements we should say / do the following . . . ‘Let’s Just Laugh at That’. It’s brilliant!!!!! I have had such a great time laughing at my life. It really takes the edge off and now I do it all the time. I’m even unintentionally teaching it to my kids. The other day Grace made a little joke and followed it up with ‘Let’s just laugh at that’. I can’t remember the joke but I almost wet myself when I heard her use my line.

In Neh 8:10 it says that the joy of the Lord is our strength. So, I thought if I want strong children I should teach them to be joyful. My baby William is the happiest baby you will ever meet. He smiles and laughs at anyone who’ll look at him. This is because I made it my mission to teach him how. At first babies don’t know how to laugh. I remember tickling his little sides and watching his face turn pink as he tried to figure out how to handle the experience. I would laugh as I did it, trying to help him along. Once he figured it out, I would hold him facing me and we would just practice. I would laugh the biggest most over the top chuckle and he would follow along. Now he’s 5 and a half month old and loving laughing at Grace just for walking by (she’s a little confused at that one).

I think laughter and joy are just as important to teach a new baby as holding their head up, or playing on their tummy. Maybe, it’s a good thing to teach adults too, It sure helped me. (Rom 14:17).


Posted on September 3, 2011 - by

What a Great Mess

I love getting messy. Ever since I was little I’ve had a passion for creativity. I used to draw on every piece of paper I could get my hands on, and I felt at home when I was up to my elbows in finger paint. It wasn’t until I started working at an Early Years Centre in north Etobicoke that I realized it was educational. It develops problem solving skills, that’s amazing!

Naturally, when my kids were old enough I introduced them to the marvellous world of messing. From play-dough to coloured water and bubbles we do it all. One of my favorite things, is to hear my little Gracie (3 years) ask ‘please mom, can I paint on my hand’, to which I almost always answer ‘SURE!!!!’ with a big smile and crazy enthusiasm.

Just recently, I realized that the type of messes my little Gracie is getting herself into are different somehow. Now she’s having to work out why her little sister doesn’t want to play with her after being hit in the head. She’s having to figure out what to do when someone doesn’t like her princess dress as much as she does. This is the point at which the ‘mommy fix it’ monster rises up in me, trying to take over my baby’s life and undo all the wonderful skills I have spent quality time trying to develop.

In Galatians 5:1 it says:  So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.

This got me thinking, am I a law enforcer determined to get my child to follow the rules, or a friend to reference about how to do things well? I decided it’s time to start training, because managing freedom isn’t always easy. It’s taking hard work, a lot of communication and a mommy that’s quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19), but I can’t help smiling when I see my two little girls working together because somewhere along the line they figured out how to value one another.